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Istanbul, Turkey. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. But the . Azad Chaiwala, CEO and founder of the Second Wife and Polygamy marriage websites. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. All women were Muslims. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Accepting polygamy does not make. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. International Nursing Review. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. PostedNovember 5, 2012 2006; 52(1): 5-17. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. When she asked her husband, he refused to accept it. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. Can I marry second wife? The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. Grab Now! She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. 2014; 8-10. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Christmas and having the whole family there together. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. The Journal of Social Psychology. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. Gabe and I won't have that. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Marriage Counseling vs. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." disadvantages of being a second wife islam. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. Khattak AK. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. 2 Meet other future spouses. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. Tandler N, Petersen LE. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". Family Process. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. 3. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. 1. Her ex-husband died. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids.